Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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