omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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