We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
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