I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
