I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
