I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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