Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
