the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
