the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
