Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
