hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
