why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
