ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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