Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
