I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
