OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
