We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
