Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
