He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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