Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
