The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
