come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
