just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dicks are not precious.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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