I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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