He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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