He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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