my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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