I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
