Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
