He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
