The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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