I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
