someone get that fucking seahorse.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
