I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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