I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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