is your mom at the bar?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
