i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
