How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
