I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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