A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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