if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
