You made me cry and you don't even care
He uses pillows to masturbate.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
try to milk me bitch
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
