and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
