I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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