It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
