Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
