You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
