I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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