You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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