Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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