This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
