u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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