she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
