I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
