i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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