i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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